Yes. You read that correctly. Cricket made me cry.
No, not “a” cricket. Just Cricket. Not an insect (are they insects? Hang on a second I need to Google this. Ah….they are indeed insects. Closely related to katydids. Who knew??) Not the sport. Just Cricket.
Cricket is a moniker used by someone who posts on an internet bulletin board on which I frequently lurk. (RMSJr if you’re reading you’ll know the board and moniker I’m talking about.) Cricket’s not her real name (No! Really Spudsie?? LOL!) . Her frequent posts help balance out my infrequent ones. Over the years I’ve come to really respect what she has to say and look forward to reading her views on political and social topics. Her views frequently mirror my own (sorry RMSJr….I know that probably pains you….you love me anyway right? ;-)) and she’s able to articulate things better than I could.
The main thing that has impressed me about Cricket is her willingness to state her point of view and not care what anyone else thinks. (Or at least that’s how it seems from my perspective.) She’ll let everyone know where she stands and engage in dialogue regarding just about any topic regardless of the online insults hurled by “anons” or even known posters. Her beliefs are her beliefs and she’s not afraid to let anyone know.
That’s sooooo far from where I am. I suspect my beliefs and views are just as strong and deeply held as Cricket’s. I tend to keep them to myself. I recently told a friend of mine that I’m a democrat and she was really surprised. The circles I tend to “run” in are largely republican—make that vocally republican. And I’ve learned over the years just to keep quiet on most political topics. It’s a habit I’m slowly trying to un-learn.
(Yes, I know. I’m not really “un-learning” a habit. I’m changing the way I interact with people. I’m choosing to speak up. I’m choosing to be authentically “me”—whoever that is. It’s just easier—and shorter—to write that I’m un-learning. Grin!)
So I really admire Cricket for being herself and for being willing to freely state what she believes.
There was a thread started recently about Jim Wallis and the subject of social justice. It hit a nerve with me when someone called Jim Wallis a Socialist. While I cannot claim to have read everything written by Jim Wallis, I have read a fair bit of it. And it seems crystal clear to me that he is NOT a Socialist. Period. So I jumped into the thread and gave my opinion. And somehow Cricket and I ended up posting a few things back and forth to each other.
Now I’ve “known” of Cricket and actively followed her postings for a while. But given the infrequent nature of my own posts I’m positive she had never noticed me before. Since we seemed to share similar views on the topic and had similar experiences from other Christians when discussing the topic I made a bold move. Well…..bold for me anyway. LOL! I posted an e-mail address and invited her to drop me a line to continue the conversation off the board if she’d like. And she did!! Cool beans! J
She sent me an e-mail with some more of her thoughts on social justice, a little of her back ground, a little bit about her views on different stuff, and an invitation to share my own thoughts. So I did. I replied with an overly long e-mail (some of you who have received similar e-mails from me can commiserate with Cricket….LOL!) about a little bit of my history and my thoughts on social justice.
Describing what “social justice” means to me is challenging. I feel very inarticulate. I feel as though I stumble and fumble my way through it. It’s something I FEEL rather than THINK. And goodness knows I have problems identifying emotions and feelings, much less using them to explain a bigger concept. When I hit “send” and watched my e-mail disappear into cyberspace I wondered if my words made any sense. Was there anything of worth in them? How many typos did I have? LOL!
Evidently it made a lot of sense to Cricket. She replied with an e-mail today that made me cry.
Good tears.
She shared a few stories from her life, some of her early exposure to the concept of social justice—before she knew what it was called or knew that not everyone viewed it the same way. She shared some of her frustration with “church people” (my words—not hers) and their frequent opposition to social justice.
It was really cool learning that about her.
That wasn’t what made me cry.
What made me cry was what she said about me.
Recently I’ve been praying that God would show me what he wants from me in a very clear way. In a way that I CANNOT miss or misinterpret. I’ve been praying that in the context of trying to find a life direction. (See previous blog entries for more about that. J) “Hey God, I’m gonna need some major help. Could you show me what you want from me, where you want me to go in such an obvious way that I cannot miss it. In a way that I will feel in my soul that it’s where I can start. Even if the direction changes along the way, even if you have something different in mind for further down the road, could you simply show me where to start. Make it resonate in the core of my being. Make it energize me in a way I’ve forgotten I can be energized. Please open my eyes, my heart, my mind.”
I trust God will help me as I continue my search. There hasn’t been handwriting on the wall (yet!) or anything like that—and there may never be exactly what I am praying for. And that’s okay because I know he’s got my back! And when the creator of the universe has your back, it’s probably best to just let him do his thing. He’ll come up with a way of guiding me that will be more impactful, more effective than anything I could imagine. (You rock God!!)
I think in my prayers he’s heard something else. Something I didn’t really articulate. (He’s really good at reading between the lines.) He’s heard my desire to try to see myself differently. He’s heard my frustrations at not understanding why people say the good things about me that they occasionally say. He’s heard me say, “What do they see that I don’t see? Why can’t I see that in myself?” And he’s sending people to me to help me see ME more clearly.
And this is where Cricket’s e-mail made me cry.
She started her reply to me by calling me a beautiful soul. I kid you not. It caught me completely off guard. I wasn’t expecting anything remotely like that! I mean, really, the only thing she knows about me is what she read in one e-mail (albeit a lengthy one…). That’s it. One e-mail in which I felt I didn’t express myself very well. Wow.
And she didn’t stop there. She went on for three paragraphs to say the most heart-felt things about me. In one e-mail she was able to see things that I haven’t been able to see in thirty-cough-some years. Not only did she see them, she told me about them. She told me about me. And since I wasn’t expecting it ALL of my defenses were down. I felt the full impact of it deeply. It actually resonated with me. Wow.
As Yoda would say, “Unexpected this is.”
I love it when God answers a prayer I didn’t even realize I prayed!
So today has been a good day. Cricket made me cry.
And see myself a little differently.
Thanks God!
Thanks Cricket!